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Not Yet DevilWhich of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire?or, having it, is satisfied? |
26 novembre La BelleShe slowly walked down the street. Black high heel shoes made she feels like walking on the knight. But she wanted to look pretty, especially tonight. This is the last chance to impress the boss and get her a job. She reached the bar, a small and dirty bar. No one paid attention to her. A few customers were drinking beer. She told the bartender she‘s looking for his boss for an audition. Bartender told her to wait. She was standing there, in a corner, blush. The boss came. He was about 40, looked tired. “You can begin now.” The boss said. “Here?” “Is there any problem?” “No, no….”She went to the stage, there were nothing but a microphone. She was about to sing the first song, the boss gave her a notice that she should take off the jumper. She did what he told her to. Her shoulders were shaking because of cold air, her red lips began to open, yes, she’s singing. Her voice liked a dying swan, soft and desperate. I have to make it, I have to smile and entertain them .She thought. Then she slowly swayed her body; her hands slowly touched her face, her neck and down to her legs. Customers began to show interest about this tiny but sexy singer. They stop drinking and talking, looked at her. Yes, look at me, I will make you feel brand new and this is a dream world. There’s nothing you can’t do. She’s like a magician; she had changed the atmosphere of the bar.She knew she will be hired.One day, I will have a name. She thought.
24 novembre I really wonder很多抉择,都是在一瞬间决定的. 不确定的事情,不确定的人.那个瞬间,在你想做决定的时候,不会出现,它就好像神秘的高峰体验一样,突然就呈现在你眼前,完全没有预警,让你措手不及,醍醐灌顶.往往是一件小事情,让你意识到,甚么是让你最在意的根本.有时候,这样的决断也会出错.因为这样容易片面地判断事物.然而人类是本能的动物,如果感觉到不对劲,还不起警惕的话,最后会要让自己悔恨的.没有人愿意做错误的决定,但是没人能够一直都做正确的决定.接受风险,承担后果,这是成年人的责任.如果我失败了,如果到时候我笑不出来了，你会愿意逗我吗？Because I am nobody till somebody loves me. 22 novembre 走初冬的广州很是萧瑟, 但是行人众多,于是冲散了寥落的气氛. 纵然是与世界接轨了,国人穿衣打扮还是比较统一, 并无个性凸显.我走在路上, 以一种旁人的心态打量, 路人大多匆匆,脸上写满渴望,但是具体渴望甚么,却甚茫然. 广告铺天盖地, 充斥着诱人的口号:"你能!你行!""君临天下,唯我独尊",于是路人又不自觉多了份自豪和自信,就算不是来自本身,也被城市的繁盛蛊惑得晕头昏脑. 我想寻找一双清醒的眼睛, 于是溜到星巴克.下午时分, 生意甚微.大概来这里装小资的人们都还在为生计奋斗着.我没有喝咖啡的欲望, 继续前行,意欲看个艺术展.却被一个貌甚清秀的女子吸引. 她是个卖按摩器的sales,脸上写满疲惫,但是骨格清奇, 瘦高而灵巧.我不自觉地趋前, 女子迎上并努力为产品解说, 我应允试用, 她并无多话,温柔地为我系上按摩器. 然后在闲谈中得知,原来女子来自潮汕,家道中落,自小打工, 有男友却非负责之人,她苦于爱他,不能离开.一如所有流俗的爱情小说, 爱与现实的挣扎.离去前女子索要电话, 我看着她眼中的迷惘, 我明白这是萍水相逢,她渴望的是倾诉, 但只是向陌生人,她并不会与我联系.何时我们都变得那么孤独脆弱, 能够依靠的似乎只有自己?无法解决的心事,也只能向陌路人诉说?或者这就是王菲所唱的境界, 只爱陌生人.我一个人继续走着,其实,我就是我自己的陌生人.
21 novembre AnswerShe never felt so released until now. When she was young, she believed that love means sacrifice. Her love stories were full of wounds and blood. She used to suicide, but not successful. She thought that’s what love was. You even can give up your life to approve its existing. Then she met her husband, a practical and cruel man who determined to rescue her life from drugs and sick love. Man can easily fall in love with the eve he created. He proposed. Marriage is a kind of fancy ceremony that every girl has or had dream of. But that is not for her. She hates happy ending because that means nothing dramatic will happen again. That was an angry wedding. He felt that anger and took it as a weak struggle from a pussy cat. Obviously, he was wrong. Unfaithful became the game that plays between him and her. She used to think maybe their marriage is a mistake. She had tried so many ways to escape, physically and psychologically. But there is no way to go. She came back to him and suddenly discoverd, he was cleaning clothes for her, he is the one who cares more about this relationship. Yes, that’s the answer. Caring. She smiles. 15 novembre 无间道偶然想起一个人, 细节种种,动人细腻, 黯然落泪.人生没有take two, 所以格外珍贵.某些我们称为记忆,因为难忘,因为没法取替.刻骨铭心的时刻,往往并非惊天动地的浪漫情节,而是那个眼神,那个颤抖的拥抱. 天人两隔,回首只是虚幻, 放眼苍茫, 才知其实幸福只是格式,没有定律的人生才是王道. 我憎恨回忆, 因为无法考究.我会好好地睡下去, 直至海枯石烂,你终于会出现在我面前,轻轻地微笑说,我等到你了. 12 mai 关于女人世事并无完美.截止到上世纪的女性普遍依靠男性存活,操持家务,生儿育女就是女性的工作.不能独立,当然也就没有尊严.爱情,也只是婚前在闺房里臆想的一部部<牡丹亭>或是<西厢记>.婚后,因为生活太苦太烦,也就将爱都转移给孩子了.没有太多的女性声音,所以并不能知道,她们快乐与否.到了现代,女性踏入职场,经济独立,然而,却没见现代女人比以往更为快乐,反倒是婚恋问题增多,寂寞单身女性俯拾皆是.或者只是女性没能够看穿,从来人生来孤独,只是寂寞换了个形式而已.谁说男人就不寂寞呢?只是他们不愿意多想,更愿意用行动去排遣它,或去逃避它.女人终究是猎物,始终在等待着能够捕抓她们的男人.什么时候,也轮到女人去捕抓男人呢?可能,这个世纪已经开始了. 11 mars 同不同旋转中的生活,总有轴心和轨道.自发或被动,每个人需要走下去.最近甚少阅读,就算有,也只是浏览.越发觉得生活枯燥,工作的疲累把人也拖长了,才发现,如果想要有质量的生活,机械般的工作是会扼杀所有的兴致和情趣的.想要出去走走,暂时的逃离也是好的.便想起林夕写他自己的生活点滴,因为身为作词人,不需要朝九晚五的生活,甚至晚上三时做红烧鲤鱼为宵夜享用,很是自傲,因为与众不同.其实每个人都想要与别不同,想尽办法都要证明自己的独特性.穿衣打扮,行为举止,交友信仰,爱好选择,都属如此举动.然而,又有几人超凡?需要知道,别不同,是要付出代价的.所以要乖乖地按照规则出牌,偶然猫腻,人生不外乎如此也.
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